Dear Friends,
I wore number 21 in college baseball at the University Of The Pacific. Frankly, I wasn't very good but I lettered four years and finished .500, winning and losing the same amount. I made some very good friends and was coached and mentored by a great man, Dr. Tom Stubbs. I threw so slowly that when one of our opponents pitchers would hit one of our guys, our players would ask me not to retaliate because even if I hit them it wouldn't hurt and then their pitcher might pluck one of our guys again. Once when I foul tipped a ball at bat against future major league pitcher Dick Ruthven, my teammates gave me a standing ovation from the dugout. 6' 2", 165 pounds, zits, shoulder length blond hair, puka shells, no fast ball, and a .225 career lifetime hitter. What a catch. My roommate and I had a signal when we had women in the room. He would put his belt on the outside doorknob. My sign was that hell would freeze over. (Thanks to comedian Dennis Miller for the last line!)
Yesterday, 21 little words on the screen of my smart phone made my day. I hope they will give you joy as well. They were from my Doctor Matthew Taylor. I got a CT scan at 10:30 a.m. His message of 21 words came at 12.23 p.m.
"Hey Will,
I just got the CT report. It looks great. All the
tumors are shrinking. Congratulations.
See you soon,
Matthew"
I'm so emotional anymore with my cancer induced appreciation of each moment that I began to cry. That concerned Donna who was driving. I couldn't read it to her so I handed it to her. It was so short and to the point, just 21 little words, that she could read it without endangering her driving. I forwarded it to my Roman Catholic friend Tim who goes to mass everyday and prays for me each day. He texted right back, "That is so great news. Had mass offered for you this morning up in the novena. We do thank you Jesus, thank you mother Mary, thank you St. Ann. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah!" I sent the good news to Coach Don Patterson of the University of Connecticut football team who has been my friend for 20 years since his days at Western Illinois University. He called and said, "Praise God."
Don had tonsalur cancer and had six weeks of six daily radiations in a row followed by a day of chemo and then repeat. For six weeks! He is in remission and coaching again. I knew he would be filled with joy and understand my relief. Now you have the good news!
Stage 4 Melanoma does just go away folks and I want you to know that. But I am on new drugs, in a clinical study, and yesterday we won the battle if not the war. We do not know what might happen in the coming days. With Novartis' commitment to this study, Dr. Taylor's expertise, and your continued prayers and good positive thoughts, who knows? I do know the drugs are contributing to the shrinkage of my tumors. But hear me clearly when I tell you that I believe that your prayers and the power of God are shrinking them as well. And quite frankly, as the good book says, "If God be for us, who be against us?"
21 little words (counting CT as one for you english majors who were thinking it!:)) and my day was made. Perhaps the lesson is to take life one day at a time. Maybe that applies to those of with cancer and those of you who get so busy you get out of the moment. Right now is what we have, where we are, that which we can impact. Let us rejoice in this day. Let us find something good about it. We all know there are words to come that we do not want to hear or face, but right now, celebrate with me because you are part of it.
And lastly, how about a Doctor that emails less than two after a test with the good news! He is the busiest guy I know but he took time. I have an appointment with him on Monday, but his thoughtfulness will certainly make the weekend a lot better. I hope that in your time of need that you have:
1. Friends like you
2. A Doctor like Matt, and
3. Some faith to buoy you up when the news is good and when it isn't
This weekend Monsignor Robert Silva, my college campus minister, and three of my college mates, Dr. Tim Griffin, Craig Cruikshank, and Judge Alan Hardcastle are coming up from California to see me in what I dubbed the "Farewell Will Keim Tour." You have to laugh and find the humor or the seriousness of life and the situations in which you find yourself will grind you down and eat you up. I am happy and thankful for a caring Doctor who always seems to go the extra mile for me. I will have some good news to share with my buddies and my spiritual mentor. There is a rumor that the famous Irish healer Dr. John Jameson will be coming with them. I will let you know how that goes.
Blessings and thanks again for your support!
Will
#21
Friday, August 7, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
"Keim, K E I M, 4/3/54, Good Morning Everyone!"
Dear Friends,
If you have been, you are, or you have accompanied a person being treated for cancer, then you know the drill: "Your name please, and your birthdate." I have added the 'good morning everyone' just to break up the monotony for Lynn, the check in staff member at the Knight Cancer Center of the Oregon Health Sciences University where I am being treated. I have tried my best to be in a good mood and add some humor and levity to the 7th floor of the Center for Health & Healing as it is the Oncology floor and is by its nature a very serious place.
Yesterday our day started with a 5 a.m. wake up call and a 5:30 a.m. departure for Portland, 90 minutes away. I say 'our' not because I am speaking in the 'Royal We' but because it is Donna and I making the journey. She accompanies me on every trip to the Doctor and does it without once giving me the impression it is a task or that she would rather be doing something else. Hell...I would rather be doing something but she never lets on. I hope to live a while longer because when it comes to 'for better or for worse...' I need some more time to give her more of the better.
I have been on the Clinical Trial supervised by my Doctor Matt Taylor for one month now. I am taking experimental drugs at my request because the approved ones had stopped having much effect against my opponent, melanoma. I take eight pills in the morning and three at night, two hours of fasting before and one hour after each time. I have felt the conflict going on in my belly, without pain thank God, and knew that my drugs and my cancer were doing battle with each other. The day started with an eye exam, then blood test, then EKG, then meeting with Dr. Taylor, then lunch with Hannah and her Internship Coordinator Dr. Lynn Lashbrook (see smww.com), then an heart sonogram, taking of my meds, and a final EKG. It was quite a day and this is the Clinical Trial protocol.
It always makes me nervous when Dr. Taylor pulls up the screen with my test results. He sits facing it with Donna and I to his right. Last time he stared at it, looked very sad, and pushed it aside and said, "We don't need to look at this. Let's get you approved for the Clinical Study." He was clearly disappointed in the results. We have become friends, we pray for each other, and my case is personal for him, and me! Yesterday at 10:40 a.m., he looked and sounded nearly giddy. He told me my hemoglobin was 10.8, up from 5.8 three weeks ago and 9.9 two weeks ago. He said my internal bleeding had stopped. The scores indicated who was winning the battle between the meds and the 'unruly cells' and this battle was clearly being won by the meds. Upon his physical examination of me, he could not find the 4 cm tumor that had been growing under the skin near my ribs where the resting elbow meets the body. He said, "I am not even finding evidence of scar tissue." Do you remember your children or grandchildren opening a gift from under the Christmas tree? That is how he looked! I was happy for me, no, relieved and grateful was I. But I was equally happy to see him with at least a temporary victory in the battle. Can you imagine being an Oncologist? To see people in varying stages of living and dying, pain and suffering, fear and apprehension, every day. He and I gave each other the same look my fraternity brothers and I gave each other when they told me I had been invited to join and become a brother.
I am not posting "It's Over!" messages today, or "We Kicked It's Ass!' celebrations because Stage 4 Melanoma has a nasty habit of finding a way to change its course and direction and reappear. The study I am on is experimenting with five new drugs in addition to the big dosage duo I am now on to try and put the nail in the coffin of this disease. I am telling you today though that this is the best I have felt in over a year, can do two hours of work in my garden without passing out, and have put the events of two weeks ago behind me. Two weeks ago I am in the hospital taking six units of blood and having an irregular heart beat, fever, and other maladies. Today, I write you with good news. Isn't that how it is with cancer, and life? If we were smart, and the jury is still out on that, we would savor and dwell in each moment, in particular the good ones, the joyful ones, the ecstatic ones. We are however, at times, resentful about the past, and fearful about the future, unable to be present to the magic that is this moment.
In my mind I have the best Doctor in the world. He would reject that title due to his humility and good heart, but it is how I feel. Novartis has created new drugs to fight my disease that are working.
Dr. Taylor said, "Any joint pain?" "No." "Blurred vision?" "No." "Rash or hives"? "No." "Swelling or numbing?" "No." I have had no side effects from these medications either! What a blessing. My liver, kidneys, and organs are functioning well and have good numbers too. I do believe that the tipping point however, my key outlier, the reason this is happening is all of your good wishes and prayers. Not a day goes by that someone doesn't contact me by email, text, phone, or in person to tell me they are praying for me. From Maine to Florida, Iowa, Texas, Michigan, California, Alaska, Hawaii, Idaho, Pennsylvania and all points in between...you have been there for me. My secret hope, as I have stated before in this journal, is that God gets so tired of hearing my name raised by you in thought and prayer that he tells St. Peter, "We need to just heal him. I don't have time for all the Hail Marys, Holy Jesus' and Great God Almighties...have you seen my Son. Get Him on this, Pete."
(And the Dark Voice murmured..."But what will he say if his cancer returns, his hemo goes down, and the test results aren't so good?") First, I will say, "Shit!" Then I will trust in God to get me through this with dignity. As Marcus Borg said when asked about the afterlife, "The same God who buoyed me up through life will buoy me up through death." I cannot tell you the number of people of who have said to me, "We really didn't think you would do much in your life." I don't blame them. Like you, I have had some bumps, bruises, and abuses. But I never lost my faith or my belief that God was with me, with us, especially through the toughest times. Even death.
This week I was contacted by my friend Johnny Hartley in Iowa and Coach Bill Viverto in California to tell me that our best pitcher on the 1970 Colt League World Championship Team had died of a heart attack at his home in Hawaii. Tommy Pokorski was a big guy with a bigger heart that knew no strangers. He was All CIF in Basketball and Baseball and signed with the Boston Red Sox. Coach V was very emotional when we talked as that team was very special to him, and us. We were 22-0, beat the American Legion World Champions, Venezuela, Asia, Canada, Mexico and the US teams to set 15 World Series records, some of which stand today. We were invited to come on the field at Dodger Stadium and be escorted by Dodger players and cheered after we returned home by 55,000 fans. I was the least talented guy on the team but pitching in front of these guys, I went 3-0 for the Summer. Tommy was our leader, our comedian, our 'idiot savant'. And even in his death, he is bringing us together. This week I have had teammates contact me who have battled cancer and given me their love, concern, and prayers. Even death cannot conquer love, friendship, distance, time, and hope.
One day there will be no cancer. In the meantime we are starting to hear cancer talked about as a chronic disease, not a death sentence. Great discoveries are being made and companies like Novartis are spending millions on research to alleviate suffering and save lives. The old hymn says, "Death, where is thy sting?" I am filled with gratitude to tell you of my results. I know you are there for me. But I also know that you will be there for me when the announcements and test results are not so good. And further, I know you will be there for my children, grandchildren, wife and family when I am gone. I like to think I will not be really gone, simply out of sight. The great Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh (see 'No Fear, No Death') says, "You have always been. Right now the conditions for you to exist in human form are present. One day they will not be, and your spirit will move on. You have always been, you are, and you will always be." As long as we remember Tommy, and as long as we remember all those that have gone before us, then we, and they, will live forever. Sounds like Heaven to me!
Bless you all and have a wonderful day! With love,
Will
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
"It's Nice To Be Seen."
Dear Friends,
I was thinking of the time the late great Robin Williams appeared at one of my friends universities. My friend said to him, "It has been so nice having you." Robin replied, "It has been so nice being had." People say to me now, "It's so nice to see you." And I reply, and mean it, "It is so nice to be seen" It is nice to be seen, to be included. The first thing Drury University, Iowa State University, Elmhurst College, Whitman College, Linfield College, the University of Redlands, Seattle University, Western Oregon University, and Eastern Oregon University did when they found out I had cancer was to immediately book me for the next Fall. Have you any idea what it means to someone with Stage 4 Melanoma to have your speaking contract extended when you have been told your life contract may not be? That said, I have been invited to do three wonderful events in June and July and I wanted to thank the good people who invited me, had faith in me, and believed I would be around to complete the tasks assigned. One event has already happened and the other two are on the immediate horizon.
I was blessed to be asked to do a baby dedication for Avery Grace by her parents Ryan and Shannon Starwalt. I had officiated at their wedding earlier in our lives together and had dedicated Avery's older sister Payton nearly six years before. Ryan is a teacher and baseball coach at Crescent Valley High School and Shannon is on the Pharmacy Faculty at Oregon State University. It meant so much to be with them and their families again. The greatest gift you can give a person with cancer is hope. And what could be more hopeful than a baby girl whose parents are promising to raise her in a home filled with love? I carried my devotional book "God's Promises" with me to their home to share a scripture about parenting and Avery, who was born in September, immediately took in from me and looked at it with a look of interest and joy. The Spirit works in strange and wondrous ways! Thank you Starwalts for including me in your major life events.
On July 17th I will officiate at the wedding of Matt Caires and his fiancee Brandyn Roark. I have known Dr. Caires since he was a senior at Washington State University serving as student body president. Not a month has gone by in 20 years that he didn't check on me and me on him. He helped my niece Katie Volz with her admission to the University of Wyoming while he was there, and our family friend Paul Puettman with his entrance to Montana State where Matt is currently the Dean of Students. He has become a dear friend and he finally met a woman in better shape than himself. Brandyn is an educator and sponsored extreme athlete and Matt has to struggle to keep up. This gives all of us who have been left in the dust by him on the hiking trial, the ski run, or the path to the river great joy! He now follows her up the hills and down the mountains but claims the view is so good he doesn't mind. We will ride the ski lift up on Schweitzer Mountain in Sandpoint, Idaho to have a ceremony fitting for two rugged individualists and outdoors people.
After the reception in Sandpoint, Donna and I will hit the road for Bend, Oregon where Mark Lea and Annie Perrigan will speak the vows of love to each other at the Rock Springs Ranch. Our family has known Annie since she was a friend of Christa's in middle and high school in Corvallis. Mark is a high school teacher and football coach. Annie is the College Recruiter for Northwestern Mutual Life and its Summer Internship program in Portland. As I will be in Idaho with Matt and Brandyn, Christa Keim Schmeder will take care of the rehearsal in Bend for me. Recently Christa stepped in for me at the Ford Family Foundation Ford Scholars event in Eugene when I was having a bad week and took home the highest evaluations at the Conference. She is so gifted and is doing amazing work at Corvallis High School. I will, God willing, arrive in plenty of time to officiate the ceremony.
I've messed up a lot of things in my life, but our children are amazing. My dear friend David Coleman says, "Our children are our legacy to people we will never meet." So true. So profound. The lion's share of the credit for Christa, Sami, JJ, and Hannah goes to Donna, but I added what I could and gave what I had. Our children never doubted for one minute that they were loved and wanted. And that is the gift that Ryan and Shannon, Matt and Brandyn, and Mark and Annie have given me. They have made me feel loved, wanted, and despite the battle raging inside me, needed. What else does a person really need but that? I don't want to go Lou Gehring on you, but there are days when I hurt and am afraid, but the majority of my waking time I honestly believe I am the luckiest man on the Earth. That is why my friend Tracy Maxwell, a three time cancer survivor, told me early on the cancer would teach me what was really important in life, clarify my beliefs, and activate my appreciation for each moment.
I would not wish cancer on anyone, but it has been instructive, clarifying, and motivating. I want to beat it and share what it has taught me until I die of natural causes and old age. Thanks for reading this and God bless you. Carpe Diem. Be present. Be mindful. We all have much to be thankful for!
Will
I was thinking of the time the late great Robin Williams appeared at one of my friends universities. My friend said to him, "It has been so nice having you." Robin replied, "It has been so nice being had." People say to me now, "It's so nice to see you." And I reply, and mean it, "It is so nice to be seen" It is nice to be seen, to be included. The first thing Drury University, Iowa State University, Elmhurst College, Whitman College, Linfield College, the University of Redlands, Seattle University, Western Oregon University, and Eastern Oregon University did when they found out I had cancer was to immediately book me for the next Fall. Have you any idea what it means to someone with Stage 4 Melanoma to have your speaking contract extended when you have been told your life contract may not be? That said, I have been invited to do three wonderful events in June and July and I wanted to thank the good people who invited me, had faith in me, and believed I would be around to complete the tasks assigned. One event has already happened and the other two are on the immediate horizon.
I was blessed to be asked to do a baby dedication for Avery Grace by her parents Ryan and Shannon Starwalt. I had officiated at their wedding earlier in our lives together and had dedicated Avery's older sister Payton nearly six years before. Ryan is a teacher and baseball coach at Crescent Valley High School and Shannon is on the Pharmacy Faculty at Oregon State University. It meant so much to be with them and their families again. The greatest gift you can give a person with cancer is hope. And what could be more hopeful than a baby girl whose parents are promising to raise her in a home filled with love? I carried my devotional book "God's Promises" with me to their home to share a scripture about parenting and Avery, who was born in September, immediately took in from me and looked at it with a look of interest and joy. The Spirit works in strange and wondrous ways! Thank you Starwalts for including me in your major life events.
On July 17th I will officiate at the wedding of Matt Caires and his fiancee Brandyn Roark. I have known Dr. Caires since he was a senior at Washington State University serving as student body president. Not a month has gone by in 20 years that he didn't check on me and me on him. He helped my niece Katie Volz with her admission to the University of Wyoming while he was there, and our family friend Paul Puettman with his entrance to Montana State where Matt is currently the Dean of Students. He has become a dear friend and he finally met a woman in better shape than himself. Brandyn is an educator and sponsored extreme athlete and Matt has to struggle to keep up. This gives all of us who have been left in the dust by him on the hiking trial, the ski run, or the path to the river great joy! He now follows her up the hills and down the mountains but claims the view is so good he doesn't mind. We will ride the ski lift up on Schweitzer Mountain in Sandpoint, Idaho to have a ceremony fitting for two rugged individualists and outdoors people.
After the reception in Sandpoint, Donna and I will hit the road for Bend, Oregon where Mark Lea and Annie Perrigan will speak the vows of love to each other at the Rock Springs Ranch. Our family has known Annie since she was a friend of Christa's in middle and high school in Corvallis. Mark is a high school teacher and football coach. Annie is the College Recruiter for Northwestern Mutual Life and its Summer Internship program in Portland. As I will be in Idaho with Matt and Brandyn, Christa Keim Schmeder will take care of the rehearsal in Bend for me. Recently Christa stepped in for me at the Ford Family Foundation Ford Scholars event in Eugene when I was having a bad week and took home the highest evaluations at the Conference. She is so gifted and is doing amazing work at Corvallis High School. I will, God willing, arrive in plenty of time to officiate the ceremony.
I've messed up a lot of things in my life, but our children are amazing. My dear friend David Coleman says, "Our children are our legacy to people we will never meet." So true. So profound. The lion's share of the credit for Christa, Sami, JJ, and Hannah goes to Donna, but I added what I could and gave what I had. Our children never doubted for one minute that they were loved and wanted. And that is the gift that Ryan and Shannon, Matt and Brandyn, and Mark and Annie have given me. They have made me feel loved, wanted, and despite the battle raging inside me, needed. What else does a person really need but that? I don't want to go Lou Gehring on you, but there are days when I hurt and am afraid, but the majority of my waking time I honestly believe I am the luckiest man on the Earth. That is why my friend Tracy Maxwell, a three time cancer survivor, told me early on the cancer would teach me what was really important in life, clarify my beliefs, and activate my appreciation for each moment.
I would not wish cancer on anyone, but it has been instructive, clarifying, and motivating. I want to beat it and share what it has taught me until I die of natural causes and old age. Thanks for reading this and God bless you. Carpe Diem. Be present. Be mindful. We all have much to be thankful for!
Will
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
"It Depends. The Importance of Me. And...A Clinical Trial Begins."
Dear Friends,
After a battery of tests, transfusions, and hard work by my Doctor Matt Taylor and his study coordinator Lindsay Chandler, I was deemed acceptable for a Clinical Trial at OHSU under the director of Dr. Matt Taylor. As a matter of fact, I am the Alpha patient in the trial. I take 8 pills in the morning every day and three at night and the battle is on between the drugs and my tumors. This trial is exciting in scope and I am both excited and a tiny bit apprehensive. Your prayers might be the tipping point so please keep 'em coming.
I had a very rough week before the test week with dwindling hemoglobin scores, diarrhea, low sodium, dehydration, fatigue, and two days of hospitalization. I took 6 units of blood in the hospital which barely positioned me in the acceptable low category. For the first time in my fight with cancer I listened to the dark voice when it asked, "If this is how I am going to feel forever, then how much of this do I really need, or want?" I realized I needed to talk to someone. I asked Sami to have her Coach and my friend Rob Durbin give me a call or visit. He is a cancer survivor of a brutal battle and had offered me wise counsel before.
He came to visit, and I asked told him about my week, my feelings, the dark voice, and asked him, "When you were down, when things weren't going well, what did you do?" He smiled and told me he was going to tell me something he had learned and I needed to hear. I was ready for some empathy and TLC from someone who had been there. Then he said, "Will, it's not about you." I was speechless and somewhat puzzled. I guess that wasn't what I was expecting. He continued, "It's about the people who want to love you longer. The people all over the world who are taking their time to pray for you. It's about your family, wife, children, and grandchildren. Your students. It's about them, not you. That's why you continue to fight and not give up. You want to give them as much time as you can to love you and care for you."
What a blessing a friend is who will tell you what you need to hear rather than what they think you want to hear! I wasn't looking for a pity party, but his truth hit me squarely in the head and heart. How can I ask you not to quit praying or thinking positive thoughts, and then give up myself? My mentor Kent Gardner wrote from Texas shortly after Rob's visit, "Will, I just read your blog. I think I told you that you will have many ups and downs in this process. Don't let it get you down. Remember we have miles to go before we sleep. Keep the power of positive thinking!!! You are the best." This from a friend with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. I am thankful to have resources like Rob and Kent to remind me that it is not about me. It is about us. My job is to fight, to believe the treatments will work, and not to give up. Your 'job' is to care because it is ultimately about us, not me.
As to the first line of this entry's title, "It Depends."...I had always held the private belief that when I had to wear Depends, it pretty much meant life was over. I would look at them in the store and shudder. Well, I wore them for two days, and as comedian Richard Lewis told John Stewart, the new cuts of the Depends are kind of sexy!:):):) I wore my regular underwear over them in a vanity denial move, but my life did not end, I slept better, and the cause of wearing them...this too did pass. The lesson for all you youngins' is that you do what you have to do. Growing old ain't for sissies. But life, that is, the people in your life, make any tiny inconveniences worth it. I want to bask in your friendship and love as long as possible. I need to do my part and fight. To hell with the dark voice. It is not about me.
My Clinical Trial has begun and I am hopeful and resilient. And what is hope? Our Minister Matt Gordon concluded his sermon Sunday with this:
Hope is the belief in what God might do next.
Help me stay open to the amazing possibilities of what that might be!
Blessings and love,
Will
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
A Gifted Healer
Dear Friends,
It is never easy to hear or give news that is less than good. I am aware of this as I share with you the results of my latest PT Scan. Yesterday Donna and I journeyed to Portland to the Knight Cancer Center at the Oregon Health Sciences University to meet with my oncologist, Dr. Matt Taylor. He began by telling us that he was not happy with the scan as it revealed some tumor growth. He was sad and a bit angry at the cancer, and immediately took us through a diagram that explained to two liberal arts majors that my body is being told by my cancer to produce cells, cells that it does not really need, and cells that fuel tumor growth. Eye to eye I could feel his empathy and his concern. We have become friends and my cancer is personal to our family and him.
I will be entering a Clinical Trial of a new drug in cooperation with two existing drugs that have the potential to turn off the 'make cells' message my cancer is giving my body. There will be 140 of us in the study, and I am the first person at OHSU to enroll. Dr. Taylor said, "I believe this will work for you, but if it does not, we have other treatment options available." The study, in which Dr. Taylor and his mentor are primary investigators, will develop treatments involving BRAF inhibitors and the possibility for people like me that we may get additional years to live, learn, and love. The good news was that there is no tumor growth in my liver or kidneys. I sent an email to my children immediately and their love and concern, along with their Mother's, buoyed me up. I was a little sad yesterday but slept well last night and have regained my hope today. The only thing that rises before the sun is the love of God.
The news about the tumors did not shock me as I had felt some strange things going on in my stomach. I also had some bruising under my arms. The energy loss I felt required that I take two transfusions of two units each last week in order to go the the Women's College World Series with Sami in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. When I said my prayers the night before meeting with Dr. Taylor, I asked God to continue to heal me, but if I did not get good news, I knew He would be with me. And He was. I view my cancer battle as a team event and the players are the Doctors, the Researchers, the medicine, God, and my family and friends. It is going to take all of us and I ask for your continued prayers and good thoughts. You all have been so wonderful, so caring, so loving...thank you! Please keep it up! My goal? God gets tired of hearing my name in prayer and heals me to free up some time to listen to the concerns of others!:)
Due to the efforts of Dr. Taylor and Dr. Wang to get me in for transfusions, I had a wonderful week at the softball World Series with Sami. We had talked about going to the event since she was a little girl just starting off playing softball. I was so fatigued I talked to her about not going, but she persisted and told me she would take care of me. She did. We watched up to four games a day, talked softball, strategized, and met some wonderful people. We met Alabama All American Haylie McCleney's Dad who said he and his family would pray for us. We were blessed as well to meet All American Emily Carosone's Dad and Sister who insisted on offering their prayers and a signed Auburn poster for our Corvallis Spartan Softball team. We had dinner with Coach Betsy Hipple and her partner. Betsy coaches two of our former high school players, Chloe and Madeleine, at Claremont Mudd Scripts College in Los Angeles. We also broke bread with Megan McDonald, one of Sami's Oregon Panthers travel ball teammates and Katie Reeves, our friend from Crescent Valley High School in Corvallis. Katie is the Head Coach at Oklahoma Wesleyan. Former rivals, they are now great friends. Naomi and Janet sat in front of us and we really enjoyed talking and laughing with them. Naomi is one of the nation's leading experts on child education and abuse issues. Janet is her business manager. Check out redclayvinegar.com to learn more about their great work with children.
My favorite memory of the week long event was when a UCLA player hit towering fly ball to left field with two outs and her team one run behind. Sami and I immediately held hands stood up and watched in wonder as the ball sailed over the left field fence. Sami was a little girl again, I was younger and cancer free, and the world had been put in perfect order by what I call The Church of Softball. We also visited the Oklahoma City National Memorial to the bombings that occurred. It added a note of realism to our trip and we met a wonderful man and three of his children there. When I went to get my Cancer Survivor shirt that was offered at the Strike Out Cancer night at the World Series, there was the teenage girl, still in uniform, standing next to me. Her Dad and I looked at each other with the knowing look the cancer family has for each other. It was very touching. Northwestern Mutual Life gave $20,000 that night to the Oklahoma Cancer Society. It made me proud that Hannah is doing an Internship with them this Summer in Portland!
I want to say one more thing about Dr. Matt Taylor to his family. He is so humble he probably won't show this to them but I hope he does. "Your Dad and your Mother's Husband spends a lot of time away from home. I want you to know what it means to those of us with whom your Dad is spending his time. In the scary world in which cancer patients and their families live, your Dad, your Husband, is a rock. He is hope. he is compassion. Whomever taught him how to interact with patients should receive an award and teach the skills to all Doctors. He may not attend every one of your games, your dance recitals, or your plays, but he is there in spirit and loves you all deeply. I don't know if I could have coped with my frightening disease without my family, my friends, and your Dad. He is a hero to me and an anchor in a scary sea of tests, infusions, and statistics. Thank you for sharing him with us. You are part of my healing and battle because you give up time with him so he can help us. Thank you, bless you, and please keep me in your prayers." Dr. Will Keim
That's all for now friends. Phase three of my treatment begins soon. Do not think for a second that your prayers are not being heard. I can feel them in my soul, and God does not turn His back on those who call out His name. For those of my friends who are not religious...just keep thinking positive thoughts and sending those vibes my way. It takes a village and I am thankful you are in my world.
Let's talk soon!
Will
It is never easy to hear or give news that is less than good. I am aware of this as I share with you the results of my latest PT Scan. Yesterday Donna and I journeyed to Portland to the Knight Cancer Center at the Oregon Health Sciences University to meet with my oncologist, Dr. Matt Taylor. He began by telling us that he was not happy with the scan as it revealed some tumor growth. He was sad and a bit angry at the cancer, and immediately took us through a diagram that explained to two liberal arts majors that my body is being told by my cancer to produce cells, cells that it does not really need, and cells that fuel tumor growth. Eye to eye I could feel his empathy and his concern. We have become friends and my cancer is personal to our family and him.
I will be entering a Clinical Trial of a new drug in cooperation with two existing drugs that have the potential to turn off the 'make cells' message my cancer is giving my body. There will be 140 of us in the study, and I am the first person at OHSU to enroll. Dr. Taylor said, "I believe this will work for you, but if it does not, we have other treatment options available." The study, in which Dr. Taylor and his mentor are primary investigators, will develop treatments involving BRAF inhibitors and the possibility for people like me that we may get additional years to live, learn, and love. The good news was that there is no tumor growth in my liver or kidneys. I sent an email to my children immediately and their love and concern, along with their Mother's, buoyed me up. I was a little sad yesterday but slept well last night and have regained my hope today. The only thing that rises before the sun is the love of God.
The news about the tumors did not shock me as I had felt some strange things going on in my stomach. I also had some bruising under my arms. The energy loss I felt required that I take two transfusions of two units each last week in order to go the the Women's College World Series with Sami in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. When I said my prayers the night before meeting with Dr. Taylor, I asked God to continue to heal me, but if I did not get good news, I knew He would be with me. And He was. I view my cancer battle as a team event and the players are the Doctors, the Researchers, the medicine, God, and my family and friends. It is going to take all of us and I ask for your continued prayers and good thoughts. You all have been so wonderful, so caring, so loving...thank you! Please keep it up! My goal? God gets tired of hearing my name in prayer and heals me to free up some time to listen to the concerns of others!:)
Due to the efforts of Dr. Taylor and Dr. Wang to get me in for transfusions, I had a wonderful week at the softball World Series with Sami. We had talked about going to the event since she was a little girl just starting off playing softball. I was so fatigued I talked to her about not going, but she persisted and told me she would take care of me. She did. We watched up to four games a day, talked softball, strategized, and met some wonderful people. We met Alabama All American Haylie McCleney's Dad who said he and his family would pray for us. We were blessed as well to meet All American Emily Carosone's Dad and Sister who insisted on offering their prayers and a signed Auburn poster for our Corvallis Spartan Softball team. We had dinner with Coach Betsy Hipple and her partner. Betsy coaches two of our former high school players, Chloe and Madeleine, at Claremont Mudd Scripts College in Los Angeles. We also broke bread with Megan McDonald, one of Sami's Oregon Panthers travel ball teammates and Katie Reeves, our friend from Crescent Valley High School in Corvallis. Katie is the Head Coach at Oklahoma Wesleyan. Former rivals, they are now great friends. Naomi and Janet sat in front of us and we really enjoyed talking and laughing with them. Naomi is one of the nation's leading experts on child education and abuse issues. Janet is her business manager. Check out redclayvinegar.com to learn more about their great work with children.
My favorite memory of the week long event was when a UCLA player hit towering fly ball to left field with two outs and her team one run behind. Sami and I immediately held hands stood up and watched in wonder as the ball sailed over the left field fence. Sami was a little girl again, I was younger and cancer free, and the world had been put in perfect order by what I call The Church of Softball. We also visited the Oklahoma City National Memorial to the bombings that occurred. It added a note of realism to our trip and we met a wonderful man and three of his children there. When I went to get my Cancer Survivor shirt that was offered at the Strike Out Cancer night at the World Series, there was the teenage girl, still in uniform, standing next to me. Her Dad and I looked at each other with the knowing look the cancer family has for each other. It was very touching. Northwestern Mutual Life gave $20,000 that night to the Oklahoma Cancer Society. It made me proud that Hannah is doing an Internship with them this Summer in Portland!
I want to say one more thing about Dr. Matt Taylor to his family. He is so humble he probably won't show this to them but I hope he does. "Your Dad and your Mother's Husband spends a lot of time away from home. I want you to know what it means to those of us with whom your Dad is spending his time. In the scary world in which cancer patients and their families live, your Dad, your Husband, is a rock. He is hope. he is compassion. Whomever taught him how to interact with patients should receive an award and teach the skills to all Doctors. He may not attend every one of your games, your dance recitals, or your plays, but he is there in spirit and loves you all deeply. I don't know if I could have coped with my frightening disease without my family, my friends, and your Dad. He is a hero to me and an anchor in a scary sea of tests, infusions, and statistics. Thank you for sharing him with us. You are part of my healing and battle because you give up time with him so he can help us. Thank you, bless you, and please keep me in your prayers." Dr. Will Keim
That's all for now friends. Phase three of my treatment begins soon. Do not think for a second that your prayers are not being heard. I can feel them in my soul, and God does not turn His back on those who call out His name. For those of my friends who are not religious...just keep thinking positive thoughts and sending those vibes my way. It takes a village and I am thankful you are in my world.
Let's talk soon!
Will
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
"You Win The Battle Each And Every Day That You Know That This Life Is Worth Living." Becky Gold
Dear Friends,
I was blessed to be invited to participate in the Claremont College's Relay For Life event on March 28th. This invitation came about as a result of speaking to the Claremont Mudd Scripts Student Athletes on January 19th. Softball Coach Betsy Hipple invited me down in January to speak to the Spring Sport Student Athletes and the event went well. The student athletes were extremely bright, caring, and attentive. The Village at Claremont is one of the most spectacular college towns in America. I grew up one exit down the San Bernardino Freeway in Pomona.
Becky Gold, one of the student athletes, invited me to come back in March to keynote the kickoff event before the relay began. It was to be my first cancer-specific speech. It was a very warm day and the event committee had organized 400 participants from 40 teams to walk for 24 hours to raise over $30,000 to fight cancer. It was so inspiring to see these fine young people giving up a weekend day to stand up against cancer. They had kindly arranged a nice stool and shade for me to speak. I asked the gathered participants ranging in age from 12-70 how many of them had had cancer in their immediate families. 80% of the hands went up. One man was there honoring his father who had passed away a few years earlier. One middle school soccer team wanted to participate and were there in full youthful energy. One Claremont student was there celebrating her own remission from melanoma. Students from the five colleges made up the bulk of the participants.
I told the volunteers that cancer was a magnificent teacher and was like Phi Beta Kappa...it called you, you didn't call it. Cancer was, in my opinion, a family disease housed in one person. And finally, anyone who had had cancer and was living, currently was carrying it, or was a family member should be considered a survivor. It was easy for me to tell the students that cancer taught you to relish and appreciate each day one day at a time and that their youth would last a lot longer if they didn't spend time regretting the past or fearfully anticipating the future. I reminded them that the Bible had advised, "Do not worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Becky Gold emailed me two days later, "Your message could not have been more appropriate for the events! Your speech started off the next amazing 24 hours in the most positive way. I am so grateful that you took the time to come and speak with us. Your positivity is inspiring! You win the battle each and every day that you know that this life is worth living. I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts."
"You win the battle each and every day that you know that this life is worth living." Please hear the wisdom of this young woman. Her words should be the mantra for every person, but in particular, for those of us who have cancer. With surgeries in the future, infusions regularly scheduled, side effects...it is so easy to feel overwhelmed. And compared to most cancer patients, I have it great.
But I do feel that what I have going for me is a positive attitude, faith, great family and friend support, an amazing doctor, and students like Becky who teach the old teacher a thing or two about life. I finished my remarks at Claremont by telling them what I tell every audience...the cure for cancer might be in your brains ready to come out, but not if you do not go to class and apply yourselves. I was thrilled that my daughter Sami and her husband Steve were with me to provide support and see the students' great spirits.
Upon arriving home I received a call from an old friend Margaret Miller Meek that our mentor and friend Barb Robel was in hospice. Barb was the Greek Advisor at Kansas State for years and had influenced thousands of students over the years. She was born on July 13, 1943 and died April 4, 2015. She was an R.A. in college and a member of Delta Zeta sorority at K State. She was proceeded in death by her beloved Raydon who ran the Recreation Center at K State. Barb is survived by her children and grandchildren. She loved and raised horses and was an active member of Sedalia Community Church. She ran national conferences and asked me to speak for her several times. We were close friends and her love of students and ability to inspire them to do great things was legendary.
I talked to her a few days before her death thanks to Margaret's call and she told me she loved me and that she was at peace because of her faith. She said she knew she did have long to live but that she looked forward to seeing Raydon again. She asked about my cancer and I told her that it looked like she would get to the other side before me, so I hoped she would be waiting on the shore when I got there. She told me I could count on it. She said she had doubts every now and then and I assured her that Jesus had doubts on more than one occasion, including the Garden of Gethsemane. I shared with her that Jesus was not afraid to die, but was apprehensive about dying. That is, the process of dying. Barb said that helped her and gave her hope. We told each other we loved each other and said goodbye. A couple of days later she was gone. She will never be forgotten.
Her life reveals two things...
You don't have to be famous to have a huge impact on a large number of people's lives. Everyone in the Greek community knows her or of her, but there will be no national holiday Saturday for her memorial service. Yet, tens of thousands of students and former students will stop in Manhattan, Kansas, or wherever they are at, pause, and thank God for Barb's influence on their lives. Her humor, love, and subtle and direct guidance changed people, including me.
Secondly, there is a difference between fearing death and fearing the process of dying. We all know we are going to die one day. Cancer patients just get an early wake up call regarding this. But I think the real apprehension is that we will be a burden on our families, leave not-so-positive memories, or suffer beyond the medicine's ability to numb the pain. I am not glad that I got cancer, but hear me...I am thankful and grateful that I received cancer's reminder that each day is precious, that I should live in the moment, and that I should tell my family and friends that I love them.
Who knows God's mind or the mysteries of life? But in the end, Coach John Wooden was right. The things that matter are family, faith, and vocation. If you know Barb or not, please take a moment at 2 p.m. Central Time Saturday to think of her, and if you just heard about her today, take that time to call a loved one, family member, or friends and tell them that you love them. Life is brief and and a blessed one ticket ride. It is not a dress rehearsal and we are working without a net. And when you think there is no good working in the world, remember the students at the Claremont Colleges raising money for a cure, people like Barb Robel, and remember that you can be part of the solution to life's many questions, quandaries, and quagmires. Someone is waiting for your help, your call, your inspiration today.
April 25th will find me, God willing, giving the keynote address at the Western Oregon University Relay For Life event. I know I will meet someone there who gives me hope, and I pray I will do the same for someone else.
Blessings,
Will
I was blessed to be invited to participate in the Claremont College's Relay For Life event on March 28th. This invitation came about as a result of speaking to the Claremont Mudd Scripts Student Athletes on January 19th. Softball Coach Betsy Hipple invited me down in January to speak to the Spring Sport Student Athletes and the event went well. The student athletes were extremely bright, caring, and attentive. The Village at Claremont is one of the most spectacular college towns in America. I grew up one exit down the San Bernardino Freeway in Pomona.
Becky Gold, one of the student athletes, invited me to come back in March to keynote the kickoff event before the relay began. It was to be my first cancer-specific speech. It was a very warm day and the event committee had organized 400 participants from 40 teams to walk for 24 hours to raise over $30,000 to fight cancer. It was so inspiring to see these fine young people giving up a weekend day to stand up against cancer. They had kindly arranged a nice stool and shade for me to speak. I asked the gathered participants ranging in age from 12-70 how many of them had had cancer in their immediate families. 80% of the hands went up. One man was there honoring his father who had passed away a few years earlier. One middle school soccer team wanted to participate and were there in full youthful energy. One Claremont student was there celebrating her own remission from melanoma. Students from the five colleges made up the bulk of the participants.
I told the volunteers that cancer was a magnificent teacher and was like Phi Beta Kappa...it called you, you didn't call it. Cancer was, in my opinion, a family disease housed in one person. And finally, anyone who had had cancer and was living, currently was carrying it, or was a family member should be considered a survivor. It was easy for me to tell the students that cancer taught you to relish and appreciate each day one day at a time and that their youth would last a lot longer if they didn't spend time regretting the past or fearfully anticipating the future. I reminded them that the Bible had advised, "Do not worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Becky Gold emailed me two days later, "Your message could not have been more appropriate for the events! Your speech started off the next amazing 24 hours in the most positive way. I am so grateful that you took the time to come and speak with us. Your positivity is inspiring! You win the battle each and every day that you know that this life is worth living. I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts."
"You win the battle each and every day that you know that this life is worth living." Please hear the wisdom of this young woman. Her words should be the mantra for every person, but in particular, for those of us who have cancer. With surgeries in the future, infusions regularly scheduled, side effects...it is so easy to feel overwhelmed. And compared to most cancer patients, I have it great.
But I do feel that what I have going for me is a positive attitude, faith, great family and friend support, an amazing doctor, and students like Becky who teach the old teacher a thing or two about life. I finished my remarks at Claremont by telling them what I tell every audience...the cure for cancer might be in your brains ready to come out, but not if you do not go to class and apply yourselves. I was thrilled that my daughter Sami and her husband Steve were with me to provide support and see the students' great spirits.
Upon arriving home I received a call from an old friend Margaret Miller Meek that our mentor and friend Barb Robel was in hospice. Barb was the Greek Advisor at Kansas State for years and had influenced thousands of students over the years. She was born on July 13, 1943 and died April 4, 2015. She was an R.A. in college and a member of Delta Zeta sorority at K State. She was proceeded in death by her beloved Raydon who ran the Recreation Center at K State. Barb is survived by her children and grandchildren. She loved and raised horses and was an active member of Sedalia Community Church. She ran national conferences and asked me to speak for her several times. We were close friends and her love of students and ability to inspire them to do great things was legendary.
I talked to her a few days before her death thanks to Margaret's call and she told me she loved me and that she was at peace because of her faith. She said she knew she did have long to live but that she looked forward to seeing Raydon again. She asked about my cancer and I told her that it looked like she would get to the other side before me, so I hoped she would be waiting on the shore when I got there. She told me I could count on it. She said she had doubts every now and then and I assured her that Jesus had doubts on more than one occasion, including the Garden of Gethsemane. I shared with her that Jesus was not afraid to die, but was apprehensive about dying. That is, the process of dying. Barb said that helped her and gave her hope. We told each other we loved each other and said goodbye. A couple of days later she was gone. She will never be forgotten.
Her life reveals two things...
You don't have to be famous to have a huge impact on a large number of people's lives. Everyone in the Greek community knows her or of her, but there will be no national holiday Saturday for her memorial service. Yet, tens of thousands of students and former students will stop in Manhattan, Kansas, or wherever they are at, pause, and thank God for Barb's influence on their lives. Her humor, love, and subtle and direct guidance changed people, including me.
Secondly, there is a difference between fearing death and fearing the process of dying. We all know we are going to die one day. Cancer patients just get an early wake up call regarding this. But I think the real apprehension is that we will be a burden on our families, leave not-so-positive memories, or suffer beyond the medicine's ability to numb the pain. I am not glad that I got cancer, but hear me...I am thankful and grateful that I received cancer's reminder that each day is precious, that I should live in the moment, and that I should tell my family and friends that I love them.
Who knows God's mind or the mysteries of life? But in the end, Coach John Wooden was right. The things that matter are family, faith, and vocation. If you know Barb or not, please take a moment at 2 p.m. Central Time Saturday to think of her, and if you just heard about her today, take that time to call a loved one, family member, or friends and tell them that you love them. Life is brief and and a blessed one ticket ride. It is not a dress rehearsal and we are working without a net. And when you think there is no good working in the world, remember the students at the Claremont Colleges raising money for a cure, people like Barb Robel, and remember that you can be part of the solution to life's many questions, quandaries, and quagmires. Someone is waiting for your help, your call, your inspiration today.
April 25th will find me, God willing, giving the keynote address at the Western Oregon University Relay For Life event. I know I will meet someone there who gives me hope, and I pray I will do the same for someone else.
Blessings,
Will
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
"The Thing About Faith Is That You Have To Have It Before You Need It." Geoffrey Canada
Dear Friends,
I have had the good fortune to meet some amazing people during my career on the road as an inspirational speaker and educator. One of those people is Geoffrey Canada. He is an American Educator and Social Activist, and the Founder of the Harlem Children's Zone in New York City.
We shared the podium for the Rockwall Independent School District in Texas one Summer speaking to administrators and teachers from the District.
After describing his school to the audience, his journey, and how the school had reclaimed one hundred square blocks of Harlem, he was asked, "What is your secret?" His students graduate, go onto to college, and families, and the culture, are changed. His response? "Faith. The thing about faith is that you have to have it before you need it." It was profound. He was humble, grateful, and thankful to have had the opportunity the raise the bar for generations of students and their families.
I had my first official OHSU PET Scan February 26th and sat with Donna in the office of Dr. Matt Taylor on March 2nd to look at the results. The night before I had slept in 15 minutes increments, up and down, nervous, desperate, and fully aware of the Dark Voice whispering, "What if..." Finally it was 5 a.m. and time to head to Portland for the appointment. I tried to remind myself of the tribe in Sierra Leone praying for me at their Mosque. The Cloistered Nuns in Idaho that my relatives the Taylors and allied families had praying for me. The prayers of my sons's Jewish girlfriend Grace and her family. The Baptists in Texas. My 'Battle Buddies' on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My own Church in Corvallis and Rev. Clay Stauffer's Woodmont Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee.
Father Silva in California, The Texas Softball Team in Austin, Alabama's Gymnastics and Softball teams in Tuscaloosa. All that...and the Dark Voice was still audible and troubling to me.
Doctor Taylor said, "You've seen this?", referring to the Scan results. I said "No." He said, "Well..."
The pause was probably under three seconds, but in that time I heard his words from the night before's lack of sleep, "I have some bad news for you." I heard that one at 3:30 a.m. It wasn't Dr. Taylor, but you know I am creative and can create a whole bunch of chatter not based in anything other than fear. Doc said, "Well...this is outstanding! I am so pleased. That one (tumor) is gone, that one is gone, that one is shrinking, that one is shrinking, that one is not growing(...he continued) There is absolutely no sign of new cancer sites or tumors." I tried to say thank you to him but I could not speak. I finally said, voice shaking, "I was so apprehensive Doc. Thank you!" I was overcome with relief, thankfulness, gratitude, and a host of emotions caused in part by the seriousness of the situation, and the lack of sleep and abundance of worry from the night before.
When I finally gathered myself, I asked, "What can I tell my friends? They will ask." Doctor Taylor told me to tell you the results were excellent. My drug, Keytruda, was working very well, and that about 40% of the tumors were gone! A little over a third were shrinking, and a little under a third were the same size but not growing and were stable. Emboldened by the good news through my fear, I said, "How long might I have Doc? 2 years? 5 years? More?" He said, "We just don't know. These drugs are so new. This drug is working for you. The first drug you took kept someone alive for 10 years. That drug has only been out ten years, so we just don't know yet for the Immunotherapy Chemotherapies." I said, "Perhaps I should try to live this one day at a time and be thankful for each day." He said, "I like that. I think it is a good plan." Dr. Taylor is a rock star!
Here is the teaching point to me, and perhaps to you as well. The thing about faith is that you have to have it before you need it. I have it and I need it! Or do I? How is it that a man like me who has been blessed to have great friends, meaningful work, have married a phenomenal woman, be the Father of four amazing children, be a grandfather, and have talked about, married, buried, and baptized people in the name of God.....how is it that that man, me, can be up all night worrying and not trusting, that God will comfort me. Be with me. Refuse to let me walk this journey alone. Jesus said, "Ask, and you will hear; seek, and you will find; knock on the door and it shall be opened for you." Less than two week ago I stood in from of my brothers and sisters in Christ at the Woodmont Christian Church and preached on the advice Jesus gave in the Gospel of Matthew, "Which of you by worrying can add a single minute to your life? Do not worry about tomorrow, each day has enough trouble of its own." I often tell students to ask, believe, and receive. My favorite hymn, "God Will Take Care of You." says:
Be not dismayed whate'er betide,
God will take care of you;
Beneath His wings of love abide,
God will take care of you.
Refrain:
God will take care of you,
Through every day, o'er all the way;
He will take care of you,
God will take care of you.
Through days of toil when heart doth fail,
God will take care of you;
When dangers fierce your path assail,
God will take care of you.
All you may need He will provide,
God will take care of you;
Nothing you ask will be denied,
God will take care of you.
No matter what may be the test,
God will take care of you;
Lean, weary one, upon His breast,
God will take care of you.
(Music by W. Stillman Martin, Lyrics by Civilla D. Martin. Aretha Franklin sang this perhaps as well as anyone ever has!)
So, why my doubt? Why my fear? It came to me this morning in a conversation with my friend Tim. I said to him, "I am embarrassed by my fear and doubt. I need to just surrender to my faith." I think that's it for me. How about you? Most of us believe in something larger than ourselves. Why am I reciting the Lord's Prayer 72 times in a row flying in a small plane with Christa over the Cascades? Can God have made it any more clear for me than it is? My biological Father Will S. Keim, Jr. dies before I am born, and my Step Father Jack R. Wilhelm raises me as if I was his own. God places Father Silva in my life at college, and Don Duns, and my life is redirected from self defeating behavior into a life, as Nouwen says, of a 'Wounded Healer.' My family never gives up on me even when I am pondering giving up on myself. My fraternity provides me with brothers I never had but needed. Softball empowers me to find the joy of coaching. Can God make it anymore clear to me...Trust. Have Faith. Believe. It Will Be Alright. I Am Here For You.
So I surrender to the fact that even with all of my character defects, you will still be my friends. I give up the negativity and doubt that the Dark Voice wants me to focus on. I quit my job as endless questioner and 'what if' specialist. Each year I cry, and now I know why, when Bill Murray, in the movie Scrooged, says, "It's a Miracle. And you can have the Miracle. And once you have it, you're going to want it again. And you're going to want everyone to have it. And you can be someone's Miracle." We may believe different things and in different ways, but I believe in you. And I believe in me. And I believe, as Dr. Marcus Borg said, that the God who buoys up in life will buoy us up in death. That's all I have got for you today, save this...
"Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow." Surrender to the Faith you have always had within you and stop fighting it. Open your eyes and see. Open your ears and hear. Open your heart and feel the love of God that has always been there for you. It's a miracle!
Blessings and Love,
Will
I have had the good fortune to meet some amazing people during my career on the road as an inspirational speaker and educator. One of those people is Geoffrey Canada. He is an American Educator and Social Activist, and the Founder of the Harlem Children's Zone in New York City.
We shared the podium for the Rockwall Independent School District in Texas one Summer speaking to administrators and teachers from the District.
After describing his school to the audience, his journey, and how the school had reclaimed one hundred square blocks of Harlem, he was asked, "What is your secret?" His students graduate, go onto to college, and families, and the culture, are changed. His response? "Faith. The thing about faith is that you have to have it before you need it." It was profound. He was humble, grateful, and thankful to have had the opportunity the raise the bar for generations of students and their families.
I had my first official OHSU PET Scan February 26th and sat with Donna in the office of Dr. Matt Taylor on March 2nd to look at the results. The night before I had slept in 15 minutes increments, up and down, nervous, desperate, and fully aware of the Dark Voice whispering, "What if..." Finally it was 5 a.m. and time to head to Portland for the appointment. I tried to remind myself of the tribe in Sierra Leone praying for me at their Mosque. The Cloistered Nuns in Idaho that my relatives the Taylors and allied families had praying for me. The prayers of my sons's Jewish girlfriend Grace and her family. The Baptists in Texas. My 'Battle Buddies' on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My own Church in Corvallis and Rev. Clay Stauffer's Woodmont Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee.
Father Silva in California, The Texas Softball Team in Austin, Alabama's Gymnastics and Softball teams in Tuscaloosa. All that...and the Dark Voice was still audible and troubling to me.
Doctor Taylor said, "You've seen this?", referring to the Scan results. I said "No." He said, "Well..."
The pause was probably under three seconds, but in that time I heard his words from the night before's lack of sleep, "I have some bad news for you." I heard that one at 3:30 a.m. It wasn't Dr. Taylor, but you know I am creative and can create a whole bunch of chatter not based in anything other than fear. Doc said, "Well...this is outstanding! I am so pleased. That one (tumor) is gone, that one is gone, that one is shrinking, that one is shrinking, that one is not growing(...he continued) There is absolutely no sign of new cancer sites or tumors." I tried to say thank you to him but I could not speak. I finally said, voice shaking, "I was so apprehensive Doc. Thank you!" I was overcome with relief, thankfulness, gratitude, and a host of emotions caused in part by the seriousness of the situation, and the lack of sleep and abundance of worry from the night before.
When I finally gathered myself, I asked, "What can I tell my friends? They will ask." Doctor Taylor told me to tell you the results were excellent. My drug, Keytruda, was working very well, and that about 40% of the tumors were gone! A little over a third were shrinking, and a little under a third were the same size but not growing and were stable. Emboldened by the good news through my fear, I said, "How long might I have Doc? 2 years? 5 years? More?" He said, "We just don't know. These drugs are so new. This drug is working for you. The first drug you took kept someone alive for 10 years. That drug has only been out ten years, so we just don't know yet for the Immunotherapy Chemotherapies." I said, "Perhaps I should try to live this one day at a time and be thankful for each day." He said, "I like that. I think it is a good plan." Dr. Taylor is a rock star!
Here is the teaching point to me, and perhaps to you as well. The thing about faith is that you have to have it before you need it. I have it and I need it! Or do I? How is it that a man like me who has been blessed to have great friends, meaningful work, have married a phenomenal woman, be the Father of four amazing children, be a grandfather, and have talked about, married, buried, and baptized people in the name of God.....how is it that that man, me, can be up all night worrying and not trusting, that God will comfort me. Be with me. Refuse to let me walk this journey alone. Jesus said, "Ask, and you will hear; seek, and you will find; knock on the door and it shall be opened for you." Less than two week ago I stood in from of my brothers and sisters in Christ at the Woodmont Christian Church and preached on the advice Jesus gave in the Gospel of Matthew, "Which of you by worrying can add a single minute to your life? Do not worry about tomorrow, each day has enough trouble of its own." I often tell students to ask, believe, and receive. My favorite hymn, "God Will Take Care of You." says:
Be not dismayed whate'er betide,
God will take care of you;
Beneath His wings of love abide,
God will take care of you.
Refrain:
God will take care of you,
Through every day, o'er all the way;
He will take care of you,
God will take care of you.
Through days of toil when heart doth fail,
God will take care of you;
When dangers fierce your path assail,
God will take care of you.
All you may need He will provide,
God will take care of you;
Nothing you ask will be denied,
God will take care of you.
No matter what may be the test,
God will take care of you;
Lean, weary one, upon His breast,
God will take care of you.
(Music by W. Stillman Martin, Lyrics by Civilla D. Martin. Aretha Franklin sang this perhaps as well as anyone ever has!)
So, why my doubt? Why my fear? It came to me this morning in a conversation with my friend Tim. I said to him, "I am embarrassed by my fear and doubt. I need to just surrender to my faith." I think that's it for me. How about you? Most of us believe in something larger than ourselves. Why am I reciting the Lord's Prayer 72 times in a row flying in a small plane with Christa over the Cascades? Can God have made it any more clear for me than it is? My biological Father Will S. Keim, Jr. dies before I am born, and my Step Father Jack R. Wilhelm raises me as if I was his own. God places Father Silva in my life at college, and Don Duns, and my life is redirected from self defeating behavior into a life, as Nouwen says, of a 'Wounded Healer.' My family never gives up on me even when I am pondering giving up on myself. My fraternity provides me with brothers I never had but needed. Softball empowers me to find the joy of coaching. Can God make it anymore clear to me...Trust. Have Faith. Believe. It Will Be Alright. I Am Here For You.
So I surrender to the fact that even with all of my character defects, you will still be my friends. I give up the negativity and doubt that the Dark Voice wants me to focus on. I quit my job as endless questioner and 'what if' specialist. Each year I cry, and now I know why, when Bill Murray, in the movie Scrooged, says, "It's a Miracle. And you can have the Miracle. And once you have it, you're going to want it again. And you're going to want everyone to have it. And you can be someone's Miracle." We may believe different things and in different ways, but I believe in you. And I believe in me. And I believe, as Dr. Marcus Borg said, that the God who buoys up in life will buoy us up in death. That's all I have got for you today, save this...
"Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow." Surrender to the Faith you have always had within you and stop fighting it. Open your eyes and see. Open your ears and hear. Open your heart and feel the love of God that has always been there for you. It's a miracle!
Blessings and Love,
Will
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