How Softball Prepared Me For Cancer

Dear Friends,

This is an article that I wrote for Fastpitch, the national newspaper for the National Fastpitch Coaches Association. It was accepted for an upcoming issue but I thought that a lot of you might miss it. Softball has been a wonderful event for our family and as I thought about it, the game has given me some preparatory experiences that have helped me in my cancer journey. My daughter Sami, as you will read, was a 2011 NCAA National Champion at Linfield College. My niece Melissa Graham played Division 1 softball and is a high school softball coach and athletic director in Southern California. My cousin Deb Haley won state softball championships in California and was Lisa Fernandez' coach in high school. Lisa was a National Champion at UCLA, an Olympic Gold Medal winner, and currently coaches at UCLA. Sami took a lesson with Lisa in Cathedral City, CA with her pitcher Karman Holladay while in high school and Lisa said, "Who is related to Deb (then) Taylor?" Sami trembled, "Me." Lisa said, "She is really cool." Softball has given our families much joy. I wanted to give something back. Here it is!

HOW SOFTBALL PREPARED ME FOR CANCER

by Dr. Will Keim

My life changed on July 16th, 2014 when Dr. Peter Hudson said, "You have
cancer." It is not a phrase anyone hopes to hear. In the room were my wife
Donna and three of my children, Sami, JJ, and Hannah. Soft weeping began
to be heard behind me as our family friend and doctor explained it was
advanced melanoma. As strange as this may sound, I immediately began to
think of what this would mean to my softball coaching position.

My daughter Sami was a 2011 NCAA Champion in Softball at Linfield College
in Oregon. Graduating in three years, she became an elementary school
teacher at Lincoln School and Head Softball at Corvallis High School in
Oregon. I became her Assistant Coach. It gave me an excuse to spend three
hours a day with my daughter on the dirt. Softball had been so good to her
and she wanted to give something back. She had played for Gerry Orlando of
the Oregon Panthers and then Jackson Vaughan at Linfield. She had seen in
person what great character driven coaches can do for a player's
development as a human being and a softball player. She wanted to do that
for young women at the high school level.

We were 24-24 the first two years and had our breakout season last year
going 17-9, and winning our first playoff game since Sami had played on
the team. We lost to the eventual State Champion Pendleton team and in one
week during the season, we beat the three perennial powerhouses, West
Albany, Silverton, and Dallas High Schools for the first time in school
history. We additionally had seven seniors named First Team High School
Academic All Americans by the NFCA. Two of them will play for Claremont
Mudd Scripps this for Betsy Hipple and one for Jackson Vaughan at
Linfield. With the assistance of our Principal Matt Boring and our
Athletic Director Bob Holt, we put the first fence around our field, a
scoreboard behind it, and dugouts  for the softball team for the first
time in school history.

Then the cancer announcement. What would we do, Sami and I, about our
team, about the program we had taken from cellar dweller to competitive
status?
More about that later, but for now, I want to share with you from my heart
the seven ways that softball prepared me for my 'negotiation' with cancer.
I call it a negotiation rather than a fight because there is enough
fighting in the world. I am a pretty good persuader and while cancer wants
to be a large part of my life, its role in my mind needs to be much
smaller. So, what did softball teach me?

1. Do Your Best To Be Positive

When we had no fence, no scoreboard, no dugouts, no drainage system, and a
team that was used to losing badly, it was hard to stay hopeful and
positive. Yet, I watched my daughter 'coach 'em up' and my five to six
hours on our quagmire like field each day taught me patience and to keep
my eyes on the prize. Once when we had Cindy Bristow come to work with the
team on positive attitudes and softball skills, she rolled up her pant
legs, took off her shoes and began to sweep water off the tarp so we could
pull it. She told our girls, "You do more before practice in order to
practice than most teams do at practice. Stay positive and your efforts
will be rewarded." Our positive attitude was rewarded! Softball taught me
this.

2. Be Present In The Moment

Like in Softball, if you sit back and try to entertain the whole cancer
concept, it is overwhelming. There are so many things that have to happen
in order to have a game and compete. All of you coaches that have people
who prepare your field should thank God and be happy. You have to stay
focused on the matter at hand. Softball taught me to be present in each
moment, to celebrate each accomplishment, to not worry about tomorrow's
challenges today. Cancer demands your attention, and it is best to take it
one day at a time...much like it is best to take the game one pitch at a
time. One inning at a time. Softball taught me this.

3. Forget Failure Quickly

Taking a strikeout out to the field usually results in a missed defensive
opportunity. Taking an error in the field into the batter's box does not
provide any better results offensively. With cancer, you must celebrate
the rising of your hemoglobin score, a small shrinkage of the tumor, a
chemo treatment without terrible side effects...right now and right here.
Trying to take on an entire game or season all at once is futile. Cancer
does not provide much good news, but there are moments when a glimmer of
hope gets you through the night. We must forget failure quickly in order
to go on. Softball taught me this.

4. Together Everyone Accomplishes More: TEAM above Self

I sit down during my lectures now to save energy and stay focused on my
students. I ask every audience how many of them have had cancer in their
immediate families and 80% of the hands go up every time. Hundreds of
students have approached me after my speech with stories about their
families and themselves and the cancers that have challenged them. They
have offered prayers, good wishes, and great comfort to me. One student
athlete from Alabama told me, "My Dad lived 19 years after his diagnosis
Dr. Keim. Don't give up." A swimmer from CMS said, "I was diagnosed with
melanoma at 11 years old. I am 20. I have had chemo and 11 biopsies since
then. You can live with this." Dr. Matt Taylor, my oncologist at the
Oregon Health Sciences University's Knight Cancer Center said, "There are
three new treatments being approved as we speak. You have options." No one
does anything worthwhile in life or softball without the help of others.
My team consists of my family, my doctors, the researchers, the
infusionists, the nurses, and my friends and students who offer me up in
prayer in traditions including Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism,
Taoism, and Secular Humanism. Softball taught me that in order to
accomplish anything worthwhile, it takes a team committed to each other
and the cause. If I am to live as long as possible, it will be a team
effort, much in the same way that every championship and success falls on
the shoulders of many, not one.

5. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over: Believe in Miracles

It has often been said when a team beats a superior opponent, "That's why
we play the game." Or, "Any given day." The game and the players who play
it are growing in strength and abilities each year. The thought three
years ago that our Corvallis Spartans could beat the three best teams in
our league in a one week period was unthinkable. Last year an NAIA team
beat a Division I team. In softball we believe in working hard and in
miracles. No game is over until the last out is in the book. Softball has
taught me to believe in miracles. To ask, believe, and receive. No game in
softball, or life, is over 'til it's over. I play on in hopes that in some
lab somewhere, or in the mind of one of my students, the horrible mystery
of cancer will be solved. If a cancer has a 99% morality rate, I intend on
being the 1%. A great man once said, "Never ever give up." He was a Coach
too!

6. The Dirt is Sacred and So Is Life.

One of the last sermons I preached was entitled, "The Church of Softball."
You are free to substitute Synagogue or Mosque depending on your beliefs.
I told the congregation that if churches knew how much ministry took place
on the dirt they would all sponsor teams and leagues. The Roman Catholics
have known about this in sports and youth for years. Softball taught me
that every step onto the dirt is sacred because I might witness a miracle
today. A hit, an insight, a pitch, a dive, or some effort that defied
explanation and was outside the norm. Life is sacred, and I wish all
coaches and players would think big picture and not let an error,
strikeout, or loss define even that day. Softball is the vehicle that
drives us into deeper understandings of ourselves and our need for others.
Cancer has reinforced what I learned from softball: Today is a new day,
this is a new at bat, and I am blessed to get another chance. We must
treat the game, and life, as a sacred experience ripe with possibilities
to grow, develop, and achieve. Neither the game, the season, or life will
go on forever. Carpe Diem...seize the day!

7. Encourage each player/person to give what they can and accept that gift.

I have developed special relationships with some of the teams I have
worked with over the years. Patrick Murphy's Alabama team presented me
with a get well card last Spring when I was on campus that contained some
of the most profound thoughts on healing and being positive that I have
ever read. Each young woman shook my hand and offered their care and
prayers. It was very touching. My high school team emailed and visited
with their thanks for playing for Sami and I and their good wishes for my
journey. Jackson Vaughan's Linfield team sent a card with statements of
love and care. I received an Easton bat at the end of the season last year
from the Texas Longhorns signed with well wishes from the players and
coaches. Coach Clark and Coach Hill told me to make sure to read the
inscription the girls had chosen:

"A little something to envision beating the hell outta cancer."

It now resides in my study placed on the wall next to my 1970 Colt League
World Champions bat.

Softball taught me that everyone brings something unique to the game. The
key to good coaching is to find out what that is and set up a set of
circumstances in which the player can give what she has to give for the
betterment of the team. The exciting thing I think about coaching is to
help players expand their own understanding and belief in what they can
bring to the team to make it better. I have spent my life trying to give.
I would rather be the visitor in the hospital than the one being visited.
But this is my time to receive. To allow each of my friends and students
to give what they can to my recovery. Softball taught me that. The joy is
in giving, and no one gets to give without someone else being willing to
receive.

Like a good softball game, I do not know how my story will end. But I do
know that my life has been so greatly and positively impacted by softball
and the people who coach it and play it. When my daughter Sami and I went
in to resign due to my illness and my daughter's master's program, our
Principal Matt Boring said, "I do not accept your resignation. I am giving
you a one year sabbatical to finish the MA and get well." That's what he
had to give and it gave me hope. And the most amazing gift of hope I have
received so far? Sami, who has been named Coach of The Year in our
Conference two of the three years she has coached, knew I would miss my
time with her and being on the dirt. Her Christmas present to me was two
tickets to the 2015 College Women's World Series in Oklahoma City! I've
always wanted to go but we have been coaching. I know it will be emotional
because the one time I was there to watch Sami and the Oregon Panthers
play in the Nationals, I watched Sam take the Championship field and wept
like a baby. For all of you players who might be reading this...she was
never the best player on any team she played on. She just worked the
hardest and maximized the gifts God had given her. She was a Champion long
before the NCAA made it official!

If you see us in OKC, please say hello. Sami will be looking like a coach
and walking confidently knowing she has always given every team she has
played on or coached her very best, and I'll be the 6'5" guy with misty
eyes hoping I will live long enough to give back to the game one half of
what it has given me. I might just bring my yellow 'beat the hell out of
cancer' Easton bat to remind me, and you, of what an amazing family...the
softball family...we belong to. We are blessed by our association with the
game and should manifest gratitude for each day that we get to play on the
dirt.


Will Keim, Ph.D.

A Great And Humble Man Has Passed

Dear Friends,

January 21, 2015 marked the passing of a great and humble man, Dr. Marcus Borg. He was a terrific teacher, researcher and scholar, and author. His words changed lives. His books brought about great discussion and a deepening of the spiritual experience for millions. He served on my Doctoral Committee and was greatly impacted by Martin Buber, the Jewish existentialist and philosophical anthropologist. Marcus' support of my desire to write my dissertation on Buber was pivotal in getting the idea approved at Oregon State University. I took nearly all of his classes and had 20 hours of independent study with him. I want to share two statements he made that have given me great comfort in my time of need as a cancer survivor. I hope they will be of great inspiration to you as well.

Dr. Borg was speaking to the Very Reverend Berkley Thompson in November when he said, "I may have ten years left. Not sure I want more. There comes a time to let go. And I could, with gratitude, sooner than that. My life has been very blessed." Key phrases to me: Letting go, gratitude, and blessed. I am not ready to let go. Not now. But I am grateful now for every day, every moment, every sunrise. I am reminded daily of the hymn's words that, "I know nothing about tomorrow except the love of God will rise before the sun. The love of God will rise before the sun." My life has been blessed by an amazing wife, wonderful children, and to date, two love rays from above named Addie and Harvey, my grandchildren. Patient friends, fabulous students, and teachers like Marcus Borg, Don Duns, Michael Beachley, Thomas Ambrogi, Warren Hovland, and Robert Blaney.

My spiritual mentor and friend Monsignor Robert Silva wrote me this morning, "I am sad to hear of Marcus Borg's death. He was very important in the search for the 'real' Jesus. As a member of the Jesus Seminar, he proved himself a scholar and theologian with the best of them. He was also a good and holy man. I will certainly pray for him and give God thanks." Dr. Borg would often ask me to send him students who would not try 'to save him.' I recommended to one of my students that she take a class. She called me three weeks into the term and said, "I don't know if Marcus Borg even believes in God." His gift was helping students and others get down to ground level with what they believed in their hearts to be true rather than what they had simply been told to believe by others. Deconstruction and then the construction of a meaningful belief system. At the time I said to her, "What do you make of the fact that he takes communion every month and sleeps with the Episcopalian Victor of Portland?" My student said, "He's gay?" I said, "No. Episcopalian Victor of Portland is a woman and his wife." That student wrote me last night that taking his class changed her life and helped her establish a spirituality and faith in God.

I was made aware of Marc's passing by my fraternity brother Bob Lannin of Nebraska in an email last night. Bob and his Congregational Church in Omaha had invited Dr. Borg to speak and Bob was impacted by the teachings and humility of Marcus. I was deeply saddened and emailed my fellow student Dr. John Reiman of Corvallis who had taken so many of the classes and independent study hours with me. Often it would be John, myself, and one other student with private dialogues with Marcus on campus or in his home. John reminded me of the other great statement that Marcus made about what comes afterlife. "So, is there an afterlife, and if so, what will it be like? I don't have a clue. But I am confident that the one who buoyed us up in life will also buoy us up through death. We die into God. What that means, I do not know. But that is all I need to know."

As a person staring directly into the face of my mortality, I cannot possibly tell you how much these words comfort me. So many people speak as if they fully know and comprehend the mind of God. Marcus was not like that. He proposed ideas, explored possibilities, and always left a door open for disagreement. I do not know what the next life looks like either. But God has buoyed me up in my life and I believe God will do the same in my death. Like dear Marcus, I do not know what that fully means. But that is all I need to know. I thanked John in an email this morning for reminding me of Marc's words. I told him I felt as if Dr. Borg had reached back over 'the between' this life and the next  one to teach me one final lesson. My bookshelves contain his books. My heart now holds his memory. I hope with all of my being you have had a teacher like him in your lives.

To be honest Dr. Borg, your passing makes my own mortality a little less scary. Death cannot end your legacy or our memories of you. Yours was a life well lived, and one that I am sure was greeted by God Almighty with the words, "This is my child Marcus Borg with whom I am well pleased." I will simply say I love you Marc and thank God for the time I had with you. Your grace and wisdom will live forever.

Will Keim

Happy New Year! I am a cancer survivor.

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year 2015 to you! When you were born in 1954, just writing 2015 seems unimaginable but here it is! Perhaps when I consider that my birth occurred in the Eisenhower Administration it is time to recognize that time has indeed passed and quickly. Perhaps the major lesson cancer has taught me is to dig in,  enjoy each day, and savor every experience. The holiday season was filled with so many wonderful expressions of love from family and friends.

As you may know, Sami and I decided to take a sabbatical year from softball coaching as she needs to finish her Master's Degree at Western Oregon University to keep teaching and I remain in 'negotiation' with cancer as to how big a role it will play in my life. I read an article and listened to a video presentation from Stanford University that was sent to me by my close friend Dr. Michael Finley of the Western Health Sciences University. He is the friend that provided early heads-up to me on the drugs I have taken, Yervoy, and Keytruda. The Stanford Health Professional said that their community considers anyone who has, or has had, cancer and is alive as a cancer survivor.

Words have power, and language creates reality. Can you imagine how helpful and encouraging that was to me to say to myself, "I am a cancer survivor!"? As I sit in our bedroom on the couch in front of a warm fire, I am warmed by the burning wood and these words. I am surviving and better still, living! Our Principal Matt Boring and Athletic Director Bob Holt told us when we talked that they would approve a sabbatical, not a resignation, because the work we had done with the young women in our program had empowered them to succeed on the field and in life. Last Saturday we held a 2014  Team Reunion Dinner at our house and each of our Seniors now First Years are happy with their collegiate choice and experience. Three of the team members will be playing college softball. Seven of them were First Team Academic All Americans! Language matters, and when you tell students they can, then they will!

I am a cancer survivor.

Samantha decided that since we would not be on the field this year we should be in the stands and she purchased two tickets for us to attend the NCAA Women's College Softball World Series in May and June held in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. This will be our second trip to OKC but our first to the World Series. I was blessed to watch Sami and her Oregon Panthers softball team play in the National ASA Gold Championships. Christa, who was with us, said, "I knew you would cry Dad." She was right. This Spring's trip will be a special time and give us a chance to see the College Coaches who have become friends through my speaking. I hope many of them are on the field coaching.

Christa, JJ, Hannah, and Donna were generous in giving me gifts that included books on the Tao, The Mandans, and the Comanches. I love to read on my train trips. Since Grandpa Alvin passed, we have cooked and prepared meals with dull knives, so I received a knife sharpener from JJ and a cool cooking dish from Grandma. Grandpa would have been 80 on January 5th and we miss him every day. He remains a role model to me on what it means to be a man. The Eide family was very generous in their gift giving and Lynnie Evans, herself a cancer survivor, made me a great blanket to stay warm. She and the Evans and Herb clan have shown us an amazing way for a family to come together and survive cancer. My hair stylist Amy won't let me pay for any haircuts. She said I have free haircuts for life. I told her that could cost her a lot or a little. You have to find the humor in life!

I am a cancer survivor.

The memory that will stand out for me is the one involving my Granddaughter Addie. She and her brother Harvey, at 3 and at 1 respectively, give me reason to live, to negotiate, to find hope in the night when the voice of the Dark One asks me how much time I really think I have. We went to First Christian Church to watch the Children's Program as Christa had taken Addie to participate. Addie, of course, was cast (chose!) as an Angel. She has always had that role for me. A week later Christa took Addie to Sunday School as she had had a great time the week before. Emily Herb, one of our former students and John and Lynnie Evans daughter, was teaching about the Epiphany, the star, the Magi, and the meaning of the season. Christa walked in to hear Addie add, "That's right. The Ballerina threw her shoe at the Rat King, then the Nutcracker made him go away. And the Grinch tried to steal Christmas but the Grinch turned out to be a good guy." Emily, with the grace of a great teacher said, "That's right Addie. All these stories are about faith, and love, and redemption." Can you imagine what might have happened if Emily had told her she was wrong or off topic? But she didn't. She integrated what Addie had to offer into the story that we Christians believe is sacred and made a little girl feel like she fit in.

Love, faith, and redemption. In the end, we have our family, faith, and friends. Along with a great doctor, Dr. Matt Taylor at OHSU, and new medicines that show amazing promise, I am lifted up each day by your friendship, your prayers, your love, and my belief that in my hour of need, my God will not forsake me. I want you all to know, whatever you believe in (and please know that I support and affirm great diversity of belief), that I will believe until my last breath that I will be healed by my doctors, my nurses, the researchers, by God, prayer, and your support. You are important to my healing. Your kindnesses give me hope and an answer in the night. You help me say "Yes!" Please do not think for one moment that your efforts are not a huge part of why I am doing so well. The side effects of the chemos I have taken can be devastating but have been gentle to me. Your prayers, your positive thoughts matter!

"I trust in God. I will not be afraid. What can people do to me?"    Psalm 56:11

What you have done for me is give me hope. Keep it up. Please. And thank you for the time, talents, and gifts you have given our family. You have made me feel, as Martin Buber eloquently said, as if I am "clad in a silver mail of trust." My God, my family, and you my friends constantly remind me of what is good in life and that I am a cancer survivor. You have blessed me with the support I needed.
I take each step each day in gratitude for you.

I am Will Keim, your friend, Dad, husband, Grandfather, teacher, coach, cousin, and brother. And I am a cancer survivor!

Blessings,

Will Keim