How Softball Prepared Me For Cancer

Dear Friends,

This is an article that I wrote for Fastpitch, the national newspaper for the National Fastpitch Coaches Association. It was accepted for an upcoming issue but I thought that a lot of you might miss it. Softball has been a wonderful event for our family and as I thought about it, the game has given me some preparatory experiences that have helped me in my cancer journey. My daughter Sami, as you will read, was a 2011 NCAA National Champion at Linfield College. My niece Melissa Graham played Division 1 softball and is a high school softball coach and athletic director in Southern California. My cousin Deb Haley won state softball championships in California and was Lisa Fernandez' coach in high school. Lisa was a National Champion at UCLA, an Olympic Gold Medal winner, and currently coaches at UCLA. Sami took a lesson with Lisa in Cathedral City, CA with her pitcher Karman Holladay while in high school and Lisa said, "Who is related to Deb (then) Taylor?" Sami trembled, "Me." Lisa said, "She is really cool." Softball has given our families much joy. I wanted to give something back. Here it is!

HOW SOFTBALL PREPARED ME FOR CANCER

by Dr. Will Keim

My life changed on July 16th, 2014 when Dr. Peter Hudson said, "You have
cancer." It is not a phrase anyone hopes to hear. In the room were my wife
Donna and three of my children, Sami, JJ, and Hannah. Soft weeping began
to be heard behind me as our family friend and doctor explained it was
advanced melanoma. As strange as this may sound, I immediately began to
think of what this would mean to my softball coaching position.

My daughter Sami was a 2011 NCAA Champion in Softball at Linfield College
in Oregon. Graduating in three years, she became an elementary school
teacher at Lincoln School and Head Softball at Corvallis High School in
Oregon. I became her Assistant Coach. It gave me an excuse to spend three
hours a day with my daughter on the dirt. Softball had been so good to her
and she wanted to give something back. She had played for Gerry Orlando of
the Oregon Panthers and then Jackson Vaughan at Linfield. She had seen in
person what great character driven coaches can do for a player's
development as a human being and a softball player. She wanted to do that
for young women at the high school level.

We were 24-24 the first two years and had our breakout season last year
going 17-9, and winning our first playoff game since Sami had played on
the team. We lost to the eventual State Champion Pendleton team and in one
week during the season, we beat the three perennial powerhouses, West
Albany, Silverton, and Dallas High Schools for the first time in school
history. We additionally had seven seniors named First Team High School
Academic All Americans by the NFCA. Two of them will play for Claremont
Mudd Scripps this for Betsy Hipple and one for Jackson Vaughan at
Linfield. With the assistance of our Principal Matt Boring and our
Athletic Director Bob Holt, we put the first fence around our field, a
scoreboard behind it, and dugouts  for the softball team for the first
time in school history.

Then the cancer announcement. What would we do, Sami and I, about our
team, about the program we had taken from cellar dweller to competitive
status?
More about that later, but for now, I want to share with you from my heart
the seven ways that softball prepared me for my 'negotiation' with cancer.
I call it a negotiation rather than a fight because there is enough
fighting in the world. I am a pretty good persuader and while cancer wants
to be a large part of my life, its role in my mind needs to be much
smaller. So, what did softball teach me?

1. Do Your Best To Be Positive

When we had no fence, no scoreboard, no dugouts, no drainage system, and a
team that was used to losing badly, it was hard to stay hopeful and
positive. Yet, I watched my daughter 'coach 'em up' and my five to six
hours on our quagmire like field each day taught me patience and to keep
my eyes on the prize. Once when we had Cindy Bristow come to work with the
team on positive attitudes and softball skills, she rolled up her pant
legs, took off her shoes and began to sweep water off the tarp so we could
pull it. She told our girls, "You do more before practice in order to
practice than most teams do at practice. Stay positive and your efforts
will be rewarded." Our positive attitude was rewarded! Softball taught me
this.

2. Be Present In The Moment

Like in Softball, if you sit back and try to entertain the whole cancer
concept, it is overwhelming. There are so many things that have to happen
in order to have a game and compete. All of you coaches that have people
who prepare your field should thank God and be happy. You have to stay
focused on the matter at hand. Softball taught me to be present in each
moment, to celebrate each accomplishment, to not worry about tomorrow's
challenges today. Cancer demands your attention, and it is best to take it
one day at a time...much like it is best to take the game one pitch at a
time. One inning at a time. Softball taught me this.

3. Forget Failure Quickly

Taking a strikeout out to the field usually results in a missed defensive
opportunity. Taking an error in the field into the batter's box does not
provide any better results offensively. With cancer, you must celebrate
the rising of your hemoglobin score, a small shrinkage of the tumor, a
chemo treatment without terrible side effects...right now and right here.
Trying to take on an entire game or season all at once is futile. Cancer
does not provide much good news, but there are moments when a glimmer of
hope gets you through the night. We must forget failure quickly in order
to go on. Softball taught me this.

4. Together Everyone Accomplishes More: TEAM above Self

I sit down during my lectures now to save energy and stay focused on my
students. I ask every audience how many of them have had cancer in their
immediate families and 80% of the hands go up every time. Hundreds of
students have approached me after my speech with stories about their
families and themselves and the cancers that have challenged them. They
have offered prayers, good wishes, and great comfort to me. One student
athlete from Alabama told me, "My Dad lived 19 years after his diagnosis
Dr. Keim. Don't give up." A swimmer from CMS said, "I was diagnosed with
melanoma at 11 years old. I am 20. I have had chemo and 11 biopsies since
then. You can live with this." Dr. Matt Taylor, my oncologist at the
Oregon Health Sciences University's Knight Cancer Center said, "There are
three new treatments being approved as we speak. You have options." No one
does anything worthwhile in life or softball without the help of others.
My team consists of my family, my doctors, the researchers, the
infusionists, the nurses, and my friends and students who offer me up in
prayer in traditions including Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism,
Taoism, and Secular Humanism. Softball taught me that in order to
accomplish anything worthwhile, it takes a team committed to each other
and the cause. If I am to live as long as possible, it will be a team
effort, much in the same way that every championship and success falls on
the shoulders of many, not one.

5. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over: Believe in Miracles

It has often been said when a team beats a superior opponent, "That's why
we play the game." Or, "Any given day." The game and the players who play
it are growing in strength and abilities each year. The thought three
years ago that our Corvallis Spartans could beat the three best teams in
our league in a one week period was unthinkable. Last year an NAIA team
beat a Division I team. In softball we believe in working hard and in
miracles. No game is over until the last out is in the book. Softball has
taught me to believe in miracles. To ask, believe, and receive. No game in
softball, or life, is over 'til it's over. I play on in hopes that in some
lab somewhere, or in the mind of one of my students, the horrible mystery
of cancer will be solved. If a cancer has a 99% morality rate, I intend on
being the 1%. A great man once said, "Never ever give up." He was a Coach
too!

6. The Dirt is Sacred and So Is Life.

One of the last sermons I preached was entitled, "The Church of Softball."
You are free to substitute Synagogue or Mosque depending on your beliefs.
I told the congregation that if churches knew how much ministry took place
on the dirt they would all sponsor teams and leagues. The Roman Catholics
have known about this in sports and youth for years. Softball taught me
that every step onto the dirt is sacred because I might witness a miracle
today. A hit, an insight, a pitch, a dive, or some effort that defied
explanation and was outside the norm. Life is sacred, and I wish all
coaches and players would think big picture and not let an error,
strikeout, or loss define even that day. Softball is the vehicle that
drives us into deeper understandings of ourselves and our need for others.
Cancer has reinforced what I learned from softball: Today is a new day,
this is a new at bat, and I am blessed to get another chance. We must
treat the game, and life, as a sacred experience ripe with possibilities
to grow, develop, and achieve. Neither the game, the season, or life will
go on forever. Carpe Diem...seize the day!

7. Encourage each player/person to give what they can and accept that gift.

I have developed special relationships with some of the teams I have
worked with over the years. Patrick Murphy's Alabama team presented me
with a get well card last Spring when I was on campus that contained some
of the most profound thoughts on healing and being positive that I have
ever read. Each young woman shook my hand and offered their care and
prayers. It was very touching. My high school team emailed and visited
with their thanks for playing for Sami and I and their good wishes for my
journey. Jackson Vaughan's Linfield team sent a card with statements of
love and care. I received an Easton bat at the end of the season last year
from the Texas Longhorns signed with well wishes from the players and
coaches. Coach Clark and Coach Hill told me to make sure to read the
inscription the girls had chosen:

"A little something to envision beating the hell outta cancer."

It now resides in my study placed on the wall next to my 1970 Colt League
World Champions bat.

Softball taught me that everyone brings something unique to the game. The
key to good coaching is to find out what that is and set up a set of
circumstances in which the player can give what she has to give for the
betterment of the team. The exciting thing I think about coaching is to
help players expand their own understanding and belief in what they can
bring to the team to make it better. I have spent my life trying to give.
I would rather be the visitor in the hospital than the one being visited.
But this is my time to receive. To allow each of my friends and students
to give what they can to my recovery. Softball taught me that. The joy is
in giving, and no one gets to give without someone else being willing to
receive.

Like a good softball game, I do not know how my story will end. But I do
know that my life has been so greatly and positively impacted by softball
and the people who coach it and play it. When my daughter Sami and I went
in to resign due to my illness and my daughter's master's program, our
Principal Matt Boring said, "I do not accept your resignation. I am giving
you a one year sabbatical to finish the MA and get well." That's what he
had to give and it gave me hope. And the most amazing gift of hope I have
received so far? Sami, who has been named Coach of The Year in our
Conference two of the three years she has coached, knew I would miss my
time with her and being on the dirt. Her Christmas present to me was two
tickets to the 2015 College Women's World Series in Oklahoma City! I've
always wanted to go but we have been coaching. I know it will be emotional
because the one time I was there to watch Sami and the Oregon Panthers
play in the Nationals, I watched Sam take the Championship field and wept
like a baby. For all of you players who might be reading this...she was
never the best player on any team she played on. She just worked the
hardest and maximized the gifts God had given her. She was a Champion long
before the NCAA made it official!

If you see us in OKC, please say hello. Sami will be looking like a coach
and walking confidently knowing she has always given every team she has
played on or coached her very best, and I'll be the 6'5" guy with misty
eyes hoping I will live long enough to give back to the game one half of
what it has given me. I might just bring my yellow 'beat the hell out of
cancer' Easton bat to remind me, and you, of what an amazing family...the
softball family...we belong to. We are blessed by our association with the
game and should manifest gratitude for each day that we get to play on the
dirt.


Will Keim, Ph.D.